"Mother Knows Best"

Christmas celebrations have come and gone. I must say it was very anticlimactic, but I am sure in the years to follow Elliott will enjoy it more.
This was the first family gathering that I actually felt like I was Elliott's mom. As mentioned in previous posts Elliott is not a big fan of being held and snuggled endlessly by me and his father, let alone other family members. So Christmas "morning" came (we did it in the afternoon) and I plopped Elliott down in the middle of the floor and there he stayed. Relatives sat with him and talked and stuff but he wasn't held by anyone. He lasted a lot longer then either Chris or I thought he would.
Normally if it was just one side of the family or another visiting he would be passed around like a doll from relative to relative until he was uber grumpy and had to be "rescued" by Chris or I.
Because it was both sides of our family I think no one wanted to "hog" him. It worked out better this way anyways.
I also felt more like a mom because I put my foot down about Christmas. I told both sides that we would not be driving all over the city, in a rush, from house to house to make sure we got to see everyone. We instead had our very first Christmas morning as a family, and invited everyone else over for coffee, goodies, and present opening in the afternoon. It was great. I can't say everyone was happy about it, but Chris and I where, and ultimately so was Elliott.

Coming to terms with a "Do it on his own schedual" Child.

I wont lie (seems like I say that a lot) but its really hard for me to watch all the other babies Elliott's age I know crawling, walking, clapping hands together, feeding themselves, dancing, even talking. My little blob baby enjoys sitting on his own, just learned how to bang two things in his hands together, knows how to get to his belly from sitting and scootch around on his bum. He isn't behind on his milestones or anything. There is no worry there. Every time I complain about it to my doctor I get "There are two factors at play with Elliott." His head is HUGE! 97 percentile. He also was stunted in his growth from 4-6.5 months by my breast milk. So the doctor goes on "He needs more muscle development to do things like rolling, crawling, sitting, standing, and walking then other babies because he has a huge melon" (Yes my doctor refers to my son's head as a melon. Remember, I am dealing with an undiagnosed illness. I see the guy once every month so we are "friends") What I am further told is that he is going to fall behind and behind until one day his body hits a nice balance between head size and muscle development and WHAM! He will do a bunch of things all at once.
Okay, so here is where I say STILL FRUSTRATED! I HATE having to answer peoples questions "Oh he must be into everything now that he is crawling" No he doesn't crawl. "Is he walking yet?" Nope. "Well he can stand right?" Nope. Then I always feel compelled to explain why... which makes me feel like I am making excuses.
Two weeks ago we went to our first mommy and me Aquasize class. For those of you unfamiliar, its exercise in water, and your child in a flotation device. I came away from the first class EXTREMELY happy. I thought it was just the act of being in the water that had really made me happy. I love swimming, even though this was not swimming...lol. Then I figured it out after I had bragged for the 10th time to my husband about how wonderful Elliott did. He was splashing, kicking, squealing, trying to swim and giggling like a maniac. He really enjoys the water and wanted to kick kick kick all over the place. The other babies in the group fell into one of the three following categories: Scared/upset. Board. Or cautiously happy. Elliott was the only one going nuts almost the whole class. The second class show other babies just as pumped as Elliott was. But it was really really wonderful to say that Elliott finally excelled at something other then eating or sleeping! (and yes I know how lucky I am there!)

Splish Splash Elliott's Loving his Bath.

Now that Elliott can sit up he really enjoys his bath. He goes absolutely nuts in it and I LOVE it. I know no matter how hard his or my day has been at then end of it, right before bed time, we get to have a fun time together.

On to a different topic. I was talking to one of my close online friends from the pregnancy group I had previously mentioned. We where talking about how we try to be good moms, in regards to this Halloween. I had made, and decorated sugar cookies. Then made little gift boxes to hand out to our family members we visited for trick or treating. The topic got onto how I have never hidden the fact that I don't always like being a mom. She told me that she knows two sisters that actually tell there kids that they don't like them, as in "Honey I love you but I dont like you " WHAT IS WRONG WITH THESE PEOPLE?
Elliott will always know I am his biggest fan. He will know when I am upset because we will discuss it. But I wont EVER tell him I don't like him. Can you imagine growing up thinking your mom didn't even like you. Horrible to say the least.
That got me thinking. I think this is the exact thought that people have about me when the hear or see me blog about not always liking being a mom. The thing is, and I want Elliott to understand this too, we don't always like the roles we are in, even if its one we choose. But that isn't a horrible thing. There are days I don't want to be a girl, I don't want to be a mom, I don't want to be someone that has to get out of bed a deal with the world... it doesn't mean I don't love my life. I think if we acknowledge when we are having a hard day it allows us to deal with it better as appose to blowing up one day and declaring we hate our lives.

Wow a visit to the Chiropractor was worth it!

My Dad seen Elliott for the first time EVER this month. The first thing this proud grandpa said when he held Elliott was "Wow is his middle back ever out!" Right after that comment, and I mean within the hour, we where at his Chiropractor signing a waver to have an adjustment done on Elliott. The Chiro explained that many babies cry because some stranger is handling them in a weird new way. He put Elliott in a few different positions, Elliott cried a little, and handed my baby back to me. We then went to my fathers house. Elliott not three hours before could only sit up for a few minutes, was now sitting up endlessly. CRAZY! I myself go to a Chiropractor, and think it helps immensely. I never thought that a pinch in my child's back was holding him back at all. We will be continuing his treatments with my Chiropractor ever few months. Needless to say I am very impressed!

Last days of belly baby!

Well I am going to have a mobile baby soon! He has been rolling since 4 months or so. Not a complete roll at first of course. The last few weeks he has been doing little push ups. He hasn't gotten his pelvic off the floor yet, but man is he trying! I will honestly miss this immobile baby. I love that I can leave him and all he can do is roll around. I am looking forward to the adventures we will have once he can crawl and walk. And I can't wait until he can come to me when he can come to me when he wants me.
He can also support himself in a sit for about 30 seconds with support from his arms.
All reminders that my little tiny baby that grew inside me is now growing up. I feel like I am letting things pass by or something. Can't I will myself into remember every cute little thing he does? I hate that since I got pregnant with him my memory has been crap. I don't remember a lot of the first 3 months of his life, and now the the following three months are faiding into gray.

Elliott's Keeper

I have to admit it. Sometimes I feel more like I am managing my son then parenting him. I do have a chronic illness that did make my day to day life hard before Elliott came. There are days that I literally can ONLY manage him. Keep him fed, clean, entertained, and happy. Those are the days that the T.V. is payed to much attention to, that the laundry doesn't get folded, the dishes don't get put away, and I stay in pajamas all day. Is this how I imagined being a mother? Not really. Like I had mentioned in a previous post, I thought I was going to be the granola mom.
That being said I still think I am doing an okay job. Yes I have my insecurities. But its what I do with my good days that counts. When I am able to, Elliott and I spend the whole day "adventuring" together. Sometimes it involves a new toy, a book, and old toy played with differently, singing, dancing, going out and about for visits, practicing being nice to the "puppies" and much more.
Its important to me to remember that Elliott is a little person. Doesn't seem all that long ago that he was just a little baby blob that hung out on the couch and, ate, slept, and pooed all day. But he is a little person. If I am having a bad day, and he needs me I am there. I want to make sure he never takes my illness personally. I want to make it as close to having a healthy mother for him as possible. It really does scare me on a daily basis. Will it ever be so bad that I have to take my word back with him? Tell him we will go to the park after lunch and then have to tell him we can't go because mommy is too ill? I never want it to get to that. It scares the hell out of me. I want to give him everything that any other parent can, and I will, at any cost.

Time to Start Celebrating Holidays!

My husband and I have never been big on the decorating for holidays. We didn't even put up a Christmas tree until my, now 3 year old, niece was born.
Now that I am a mom and I look back on my memories of exciting holidays, I can't help feel that childish excitement as a holiday grows near. We didn't celebrate this Easter with Elliott. He was to young and we had a bunch of family issues going on. As Halloween draws near I am getting excited to put up a few decorations in the windows, dress him up in his Old Navy Dalmatian costume I picked up a few weeks ago, and go out with a little plastic pumpkin to show him off to close friends and family! TRICK OR TREAT!!!
I also want to go all out for Christmas. My husband reminds me that he is to young to remember this Christmas so to take it easy and save up for the Christmases that he will remember. I am going to do just that. I do have a giddy kind of feeling in the pit of my stomach when I think of this Christmas coming up. My husband, son and I will be a real family now. We get to choose what we want to do for Christmas, and wont have to spend most of it apart!
My plans for future holidays include creating unique traditions, decorating cookies, sending out greeting cards, doing crafts and maybe even inventing a holiday or two for just the three of us to share.
I want to recreate the excitement I felt, and lost as a grew, for those holidays! I am sure at some point my son is going to think me a big cheese ball for having all these traditions. I hope he looks back when he is my age and appreciates how special I tried to make them for him.