Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Last days of belly baby!

Well I am going to have a mobile baby soon! He has been rolling since 4 months or so. Not a complete roll at first of course. The last few weeks he has been doing little push ups. He hasn't gotten his pelvic off the floor yet, but man is he trying! I will honestly miss this immobile baby. I love that I can leave him and all he can do is roll around. I am looking forward to the adventures we will have once he can crawl and walk. And I can't wait until he can come to me when he can come to me when he wants me.
He can also support himself in a sit for about 30 seconds with support from his arms.
All reminders that my little tiny baby that grew inside me is now growing up. I feel like I am letting things pass by or something. Can't I will myself into remember every cute little thing he does? I hate that since I got pregnant with him my memory has been crap. I don't remember a lot of the first 3 months of his life, and now the the following three months are faiding into gray.

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Elliott's Keeper

I have to admit it. Sometimes I feel more like I am managing my son then parenting him. I do have a chronic illness that did make my day to day life hard before Elliott came. There are days that I literally can ONLY manage him. Keep him fed, clean, entertained, and happy. Those are the days that the T.V. is payed to much attention to, that the laundry doesn't get folded, the dishes don't get put away, and I stay in pajamas all day. Is this how I imagined being a mother? Not really. Like I had mentioned in a previous post, I thought I was going to be the granola mom.
That being said I still think I am doing an okay job. Yes I have my insecurities. But its what I do with my good days that counts. When I am able to, Elliott and I spend the whole day "adventuring" together. Sometimes it involves a new toy, a book, and old toy played with differently, singing, dancing, going out and about for visits, practicing being nice to the "puppies" and much more.
Its important to me to remember that Elliott is a little person. Doesn't seem all that long ago that he was just a little baby blob that hung out on the couch and, ate, slept, and pooed all day. But he is a little person. If I am having a bad day, and he needs me I am there. I want to make sure he never takes my illness personally. I want to make it as close to having a healthy mother for him as possible. It really does scare me on a daily basis. Will it ever be so bad that I have to take my word back with him? Tell him we will go to the park after lunch and then have to tell him we can't go because mommy is too ill? I never want it to get to that. It scares the hell out of me. I want to give him everything that any other parent can, and I will, at any cost.

Friday, September 11, 2009

Time to Start Celebrating Holidays!

My husband and I have never been big on the decorating for holidays. We didn't even put up a Christmas tree until my, now 3 year old, niece was born.
Now that I am a mom and I look back on my memories of exciting holidays, I can't help feel that childish excitement as a holiday grows near. We didn't celebrate this Easter with Elliott. He was to young and we had a bunch of family issues going on. As Halloween draws near I am getting excited to put up a few decorations in the windows, dress him up in his Old Navy Dalmatian costume I picked up a few weeks ago, and go out with a little plastic pumpkin to show him off to close friends and family! TRICK OR TREAT!!!
I also want to go all out for Christmas. My husband reminds me that he is to young to remember this Christmas so to take it easy and save up for the Christmases that he will remember. I am going to do just that. I do have a giddy kind of feeling in the pit of my stomach when I think of this Christmas coming up. My husband, son and I will be a real family now. We get to choose what we want to do for Christmas, and wont have to spend most of it apart!
My plans for future holidays include creating unique traditions, decorating cookies, sending out greeting cards, doing crafts and maybe even inventing a holiday or two for just the three of us to share.
I want to recreate the excitement I felt, and lost as a grew, for those holidays! I am sure at some point my son is going to think me a big cheese ball for having all these traditions. I hope he looks back when he is my age and appreciates how special I tried to make them for him.

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Surprising pretty laid back!

Looking back at my 7 months of motherhood I am, as is some of my close family members, shocked at how laid back a parent I am. I thought the OCD creature that lurks in the depths of my brain and randomly springs would have seen this motherhood adventure as perfect prey, but I guess not.
Elliott has a relaxed schedule. He is not forced to bed unless up till a ridiculous time. He eats when he is hungry, naps when he is tired, plays by himself when feeling independent, and snuggles when needing comfort. The T.V. is on as a form of musical entertainment, something to fill the silence, and on occasion something to fall asleep to.
I honestly thought I would be the rigid granola parent. Using clothe diapers, making my own baby food, being super scheduled, taking him to several learning classes, NO T.V., reading at least a dozen books a day, and constantly having him in a sling. Well Elliott has different ideas, as I am sure many parents have found out with their own babies.
He is a touch of a loner like his mom. He enjoys mine, and his fathers company. But even too much of us and he wants alone time. He finds sitting still for a book reading at the end of the day extremely frustrating (books are now read in the afternoon while laying on our bellies in his play area), he HATES the sling (I have tried several and still he does not like them, yet I keep trying). He enjoys exploring ON HIS OWN thank you very much! He gets frustrated if you do things for him. And just when I think, "wow does this kid even need me?" he has a mommy day where he wants to snuggle all day, practice his cooing noises, and touch my hair and face.
I honestly thought a day in the life of mother hood would be scheduled and similar from one day to the next. Its not. He is learning what kind of person he is, I am, and his father is, and growing and changing accordingly.
I am thankful he isn't the same little person from day to day. Sure sometimes it puts me behind on my domestic duties, sometimes it leaves me feeling kinda lonely, sometimes it makes me super frustrated, but ultimately I am finding motherhood far more a unique laid back experience then I could have ever imagined!

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Bye Bye Nursing Bra!

Well after a week of supplementing with formula I am happy to say that Elliott gained almost a whole pound! Yes in just seven days! So I have stopped breast feeding completely so we can try some new medications for my medical condition.
It's like I have a whole new baby! He was always very observant, but now he is in to everything! He also is more physically active and more vocal. He sleeps more during the day, and is better rested when he wakes up.
Also I got my girls into a push up bra for the first time in over 6 months and WOW do my clothes ever fit better!!
I am also pumped because I am not his food source any more! My husband gets to share in feeding Elliott now too. It doesn't just fall on me! It means I don't have to have guilt about going out somewhere and leaving Elliott at home, fretting if I pumped enough for him.
As you can tell I am excited. There ARE several things I don't like about this whole bottle business.
The amount of waste it produces. Liners for bottles, the bottles themselves, the packaging for the formula, the emissions from shipping the formula, and just the extra burden on the environment formula feeding causes.
I don't like washing up all the bottles over and over and over again. I don't like that he sees the bottle and starts freaking out. I don't like having to wait for a bottle to warm up.
Having to be prepared! Before I could just whip out the boob. Now I have to make sure I have enough formula in the house. Enough bottles when I go out. Enough liners. Its a lot of work too.
Middle of the night feeds really suck now. They now involve my husband. He gets up and changes Elliott while I run downstairs to put a prepared bottle into hot water for a few minutes.
I hope as Elliott puts on weight he will stop getting up in the middle of the night. He started sleeping through the night just before he turned 4 months, but then stopped a few short weeks later.
To those moms who think its so much more work to breast feed then it is to bottle feed I poo poo you! I would have to say, from my perspective that they are both equal work with their own unique pros and cons.