Elliott's Keeper

I have to admit it. Sometimes I feel more like I am managing my son then parenting him. I do have a chronic illness that did make my day to day life hard before Elliott came. There are days that I literally can ONLY manage him. Keep him fed, clean, entertained, and happy. Those are the days that the T.V. is payed to much attention to, that the laundry doesn't get folded, the dishes don't get put away, and I stay in pajamas all day. Is this how I imagined being a mother? Not really. Like I had mentioned in a previous post, I thought I was going to be the granola mom.
That being said I still think I am doing an okay job. Yes I have my insecurities. But its what I do with my good days that counts. When I am able to, Elliott and I spend the whole day "adventuring" together. Sometimes it involves a new toy, a book, and old toy played with differently, singing, dancing, going out and about for visits, practicing being nice to the "puppies" and much more.
Its important to me to remember that Elliott is a little person. Doesn't seem all that long ago that he was just a little baby blob that hung out on the couch and, ate, slept, and pooed all day. But he is a little person. If I am having a bad day, and he needs me I am there. I want to make sure he never takes my illness personally. I want to make it as close to having a healthy mother for him as possible. It really does scare me on a daily basis. Will it ever be so bad that I have to take my word back with him? Tell him we will go to the park after lunch and then have to tell him we can't go because mommy is too ill? I never want it to get to that. It scares the hell out of me. I want to give him everything that any other parent can, and I will, at any cost.