Delayed Bonding

Delayed bonding can happen for a number of reasons. Traumatic birth, c section, and number of different scenarios. I had delayed bonding with Elliott.
When I told my grandma that I wasn't worried about weather or not my labor ended in a c section she kinda got upset. "Women who have c sections don't experience the rush of hormones after normal delivery of their child and may not feel that deep connection" Yeah yeah grandma I have read about that. That magical bonding can happen as late as a year after the baby is born. I wasn't worried in the slightest. As mentioned before I ended having to be put completely under for my c section. It was several hours after that, that I got to go see Elliott in the NICU. He was there because we had a fever right before his birth. I was excited to see him in person, but I was also extremely stoned from the anesthetic and morphine. Chris wheeled me down to see him, and as soon as I seen him, knew he was okay, and knew we were both too stoned to breast feed I wanted to go back to my bed. They said he had to have a good feeding before he could be released from NICU, so I told them to feed him formula. I was to stoned and weak to feed it to him. So 30 min later he was delivered to my room. I had Chris push his plastic box close to the bed so I could stare at him. He was so perfect. I loved him right from the get go. I did not however feel that overwhelming, all consuming type of love. I knew he was mine, I was happy he was here, and I loved him but that was it. It didn't bother me, I was too beat to care.
So two months goes by, and I am sitting up in bed with him in the morning. I had just fed him and had laid him down in front of me to talk to him like I always do. Then WHAM!! I had a surge of love for him. Like I had never felt for any other person or creature before. I just wanted to stare and touch him for hours. I wanted to smell him, kiss him all over, and not set him down ever! OHHH this is what its like! I get it now. So amazing.
I told the girls on the pregnancy group, I have previously mentioned, and wouldn't you know it? Several women said they had delayed bonding too. Some of them felt horrible about it, others didn't even realize they hadn't bonded the way other women had until it happened. The women that were upset by it felt that they where missing something with their child, and didn't think they would ever have that magical WHAM. Its definitely something they should tell you about in hospital. Right from the start of being a new mom there are so many things to be insecure about, having one less would be nice!
I never felt guilty, or worried about not bonding with him from the start. The way I looked at it was; this little stranger just moved into my life and house. Not only does he not pay rent, but he also eats a lot, needs lots of attention, was kind of a blob (yes blob not slob), and was boring most of the time. Of course it would take time for me to get to know him, and love his personality. I was not ready or expected that rush of emotions that day. I am happy for it. It makes the hard times easier. Makes calming him down more rewarding then relieving, and makes him that much more important to me.
Don't get me wrong, there was never ever a time when I looked at him and didn't love him... sure there were times, and still are, when I look at him and don't like him because he is being a jerk, but I have always loved him. Its just on a deeper level then before.
The difference between how I felt about him before and after the bonding happened could be explained like this. Before I felt like we were getting to know each other. Not unlike getting a new puppy. After I felt like I have always known him and he has been a part of my life since my first memories. There has never been a time without him now. I hope that explains it.